Moved…

I have  moved because I liked this title more.  http://beingimperfectme.wordpress.com/

This blog will be deleted in a week. : )

What-eva!

Some people I swear.  That’s it…

That and I have had a roller coaster of a week. I am trying to get my Mary Kay business moving again. It was up and down this week. I’m happy I waded through the crap. By the end of the week I did more than I expected. I reached some personal goals with my business. I gained some much needed confidence. I actually learned some stuff. I am proud of that. I can’t wait to see where I go from here.

It is really cool to make goals and reach them. I don’t think there is anything better than that. It proves to yourself that you can do what you put your mind to regardless of your circumstances. The feeling you get when you reach the goal is awesome. You can’t compare it to anything else.

Maybe I’m addicted to making goals. I set them, do the work, and then reach them. When I’m all done I set more. I think that’s one thing that worries me about finishing college. What will my goal be after that? And that is how my brain works! I’m on to the next thing. Maybe that’s why some people in my life couldn’t handle me. I can’t be stagnate. I have to keep moving. Things have to be fluid. How are you supposed to grow if you don’t stretch yourself?

There really wasn’t a point to this post. I just felt like rambling. LOL.

Death and Sadness

I don’t usually get teary eyed when people died. When Kurt Cobain died I was devastated. Yesterday, when I heard about Michael Jackson I was overwhelmed with grief. It’s not because he was a pop legend. It’s not because he laid the pavement for Justin Timberlake, JZ , and many others. Because he was 6 months younger than my mom. And  I started to thinking about losing her.

When I was a little girl I watched Beat It on MTV. I watch Thriller and was scared out of my mind. I was only a tot at the time. I remember watching Michael Jackson with my mom. My sister at one point wanted to marry Michael Jackson. I remember him standing up for Ryan White. He changed music. He created master pieces that will live forever. It is sad for his young kids. I hope the media is kind and respects them. They lost a parent and that is a tragedy.

My mom may be crazy but she is my mom. I would be a wreck  if I lost her. I know it is going to happen. I just want it to happen way in the future. I am not ready to lose her. I know she is not in the best health. I know she has thyroid disease, heart disease, among other things. It scares me to the bone. When people die who are so close to her age I start thinking about losing her. It is difficult not to. It is just one more reminder we are only here for a short while.

Happy Father's Day among other things….

Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s who take care of their kids all year long, to all the dads that are doing it alone, and to all the dads that show up every day. Thank You.

Happy Summer to everyone! If you live in the Arctic North like I do, summer is the best! Granted we haven’t seen the sun since mid week but at least we are not freezing our asses off. That is always a good thing. I hate being cold so for the 90 days we actually have warmth I celebrate it! LOL.

Yay to me for staying on track to loose weight. I have lost 3 lbs this week tracking calories. I only used the elliptical once but I did use the stairs rather than the elevator, parked farther away, and took a walk. Those things are all improvements to my previously lazy self. It is paying off. I know it’s water weight but that is fine with me.

The most difficult thing for me is finding a balance. I didn’t realize how much I dislike meat until I started to track my nutritional input. Apparently, I only eat meat once a day. That means I am severely lacking in protein. The tracker thing said to add peanut butter to apples and stuff like that. I don’t like peanut butter so I am going to have to find another way to add protein. You can’t build muscle without it. Maybe I can get those Special K protein things. Or eat nuts. Either way I need more protein. My fat intake is normal. I actually had a few days where I could have added some fat. I need to eat more carbs. Doesn’t every one want to hear that! Ha ha. I was thinking of buying some veggies and eating those for my carbs. This way I don’t add a butt load of calories with it. My goal is to eat healthy and lose weight. When you starve yourself you end up quitting in a week and binging on a tray of brownies. I don’t want that.

Now I have to go study about aphasia, strokes, and dimentia. Oh my! ; )

Happy Father’s Day among other things….

Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s who take care of their kids all year long, to all the dads that are doing it alone, and to all the dads that show up every day. Thank You.

Happy Summer to everyone! If you live in the Arctic North like I do, summer is the best! Granted we haven’t seen the sun since mid week but at least we are not freezing our asses off. That is always a good thing. I hate being cold so for the 90 days we actually have warmth I celebrate it! LOL.

Yay to me for staying on track to loose weight. I have lost 3 lbs this week tracking calories. I only used the elliptical once but I did use the stairs rather than the elevator, parked farther away, and took a walk. Those things are all improvements to my previously lazy self. It is paying off. I know it’s water weight but that is fine with me.

The most difficult thing for me is finding a balance. I didn’t realize how much I dislike meat until I started to track my nutritional input. Apparently, I only eat meat once a day. That means I am severely lacking in protein. The tracker thing said to add peanut butter to apples and stuff like that. I don’t like peanut butter so I am going to have to find another way to add protein. You can’t build muscle without it. Maybe I can get those Special K protein things. Or eat nuts. Either way I need more protein. My fat intake is normal. I actually had a few days where I could have added some fat. I need to eat more carbs. Doesn’t every one want to hear that! Ha ha. I was thinking of buying some veggies and eating those for my carbs. This way I don’t add a butt load of calories with it. My goal is to eat healthy and lose weight. When you starve yourself you end up quitting in a week and binging on a tray of brownies. I don’t want that.

Now I have to go study about aphasia, strokes, and dimentia. Oh my! ; )

Getting Moving

When I first started Mary Kay it was rough. I quit. Recently, I decided it was time to get moving again. I placed my order to get going again. I never thought anything would happen. Just like last time. I didn’t order any skin care class supplies or color or anything that you would need.

Last week I put a box up in a tanning salon. I only got two leads but the first girl I called said yes to the facial. Oh, crap. I don’t have anything to do a facial. That’s okay I’ll figure it out. This afternoon I passed out fliers for my Mary Kay Muffins and makeovers. I already have one RSVP for it! Hopefully, I’ll get more. If not it will be just us. No worries. I’ll figure it out.

I’m not sure what’s different this time. It just feels more fluid this time. It’s scary because I need to have my business moving for financial reasons. At the same time I’m not so ridgid about it. I’m just doing it. I’m getting things on the books and worrying about the rest as I go. Maybe it’s because I have a good friend helping me. Maybe it’s because my Director isn’t after her own bottom line and isn’t pressuring me for sales. She is quietly encouraging me. Just enough to get me moving. And maybe it’s that I’m more comfortable with myself. I have confidence that I didn’t have a few years ago when I tried.

Wish me luck this week. I have lots going on. It feels good that things are moving forward. : )

Midterm Anxiety

I am midterm already. : ) I don’t feel confident like I did midterm last term. Mainly because we’ve only had one test in Spanish and that did not go over well. Spanish is my weak spot. I try but it is definitely not something I can do automatically. That frustrates me. I like to master something and move on. I get uncomfortable when I have to sit with things and use every inch of my brain to think about it. That’s college. Right?

Baby Daddy Drama caused me to be a little distracted yesterday. That happens from time to time. Even though I chewed him out, I wasn’t really mad at him. I was mad at me. I was pissed that I can’t do what I need to do for my kids right now. I can’t provide them with insurance, money, or anything at the moment. Not for the lack of trying either. I am trying. It’s just we’re not exactly in a good position right now. If I could put Pat on my insurance I would in a heart beat. I think Pat has to have an address in our county. Either way, I can’t fix the situation immediately and that pisses me off. Not his dad. I did get his meds despite the lack of money or insurance. That’s what we moms do. We get things done. : )

For those of you who read and think I *steal* ideas….I have been blogging for 6 years. I have recycled ideas from my old blogs. There’s been a few. I repeat myself often. It’s partly because I forget. I go back to ideas I had and elaborate. That’s just what I do. I do read blogs over and over again. Not because I’m a stalker but because it’s interesting peaking into people’s lives. So don’t flatter yourselves thinking you’re special. I read this one lady’s blog all the time. Her daughter died from cancer earlier this year. Sometimes her blogs get me thinking about my loss. So I write about it. That’s what blogging is. If you don’t want people reading your blog, don’t have one. That is the beauty of the blogging world, it is an option. When you have a blog you run the risk of people thinking you have good ideas and mimic them. You also run the risk of people criticizing you. Such is life. Get over it and move on.

Good Finds

I have made a pledge to myself to slim down and be healthier. I jumped on craigslist to see if I can find an elliptical. And I DID! It is $65 and I pick it up tomorrow! That’s so awesome. The cheapest one I found new was $145 or something at Walmart. Good deal!

I also found a great app for my iPod that allows me to track my food intake. I do pretty good keeping a mental log of what I eat. I try not to stuff myself with too much garbage. Apparently, I actually do eat pretty well. According to the fitness tracker I only need to cut my calories by 200 (no McDonald’s basically) and exercise for 30 minutes everyday. Just what the doctor ordered! : )

I think my weight gain is due to inactivity. I move a lot with the kids but my heart rate doesn’t raise and I don’t sweat, unless they are acting up. I need to move  more. I was getting up early at 8 am. Now it’s 10. I am going to get up at 8 and do my 30 minutes. When I pick up my elliptical I will do 30 at night too. I am motivated to look better by my 30th.

On a side note, I do not EVER recommend people not go to their doctors for health issues. I am starting an exercise routine but I know I don’t have health issues. I have IBS that is under control with diet. If it does develop into Chron’s or colitis I will go to the doctor and get help. Other than that I am in good shape to start an exercise routine. If you are not in good shape you should talk to your doctor. Yes, they miss things at time but I assure you they pay high malpractice insurance. The last thing they want is to have you sue them.

If you want to join me let me know. I would love the support!

Counting Down to 30

Come November I will have been on this planet 30 years. I don’t have much to say for my almost 30 years. A few kids and a husband. That’s all wonderful but I want to make more of a dent in the world than just my family. Family is a wonderful thing. I appreciate it and am thankful for it. I’m talking about me, that invisible person that hides behind four kids and a husband.

When I turned 20 I was a totally different person. I was heartbroken, needy, and damaged. When I turned 25 I was stronger. I was a mom of 4 and a wife. By 27 I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, I just had to do the work to get there. At 29 I finally entered WSU and am working towards my goals.

When I turn 30 I want to be different than I am at this moment. I want to be just a little more secure in the idea of going to grad school. I want to have my Mary Kay business moving forward. I want to have lost the 20+ pounds that weigh me down. I want the following decade to be filled with growth and not as many setbacks. I want my marriage to be even stronger. And over the next decade I can look forward to my first child going to college! How great will that be!

The one accomplisment I want to have is graduating with my Masters. Hopefully, if all goes well I will be doing that in 4 years. Once I do that my entire life is going to turn around. I will finally be able to support myself. I will have a career that’s all mine. And I can show everyone who said I was nothing in my 20s that they were wrong. Or I’ll be the bigger person and just hold my head high.

Either way, I hope in my 30s I can carve out a place for myself and my family. Hopefully, Kris and I will get some time together. I hope we can travel the world. I hope I get to see my children graduate from high school. Or at least two of them.  It will be better than my 20s.

Brain Fart

Have you ever taken a test and didn’t know what you were thinking when you got it back? I got my Spanish test back yesterday. I looked it over today. There were some errors because my tutor doesn’t know what the fuck she is talking about. There were a few questions on there that made me think I completely forgot what I was doing! I realized that if I took a few minutes to review my answers I would have done much better.

That brings me to midterms. My midterm for Spanish is next week. My goal is to learn the material thoroughly but also put into play my test taking skills. The first thing I need to do is to not over think. One of the drawbacks to higher ed is that you start over analyzing everything. The most simple basic thing you will think is too easy and try to make it harder. The second thing is remember the culture. Those questions are easy points. I should get all of those right. After I have completed the test I need to reread the questions so I can see my errors.

Tests are my Achilles heal. I can reitterate just about anything. When it comes to tests I blank out. I get nervous and doubt myself. I think confidence is the key in anything you do. If you don’t have that then you may not do as well in life as you could. My next test I’m going to stay calm and focus on doing my best.